Torn

 

This blurry picture shows Alina, with her hello kitty backpack, walking to line up with her class this morning. Every day I take her to school and every day I'm a little bit torn. Her school doesn't have the typical car line drop-off.  Instead you park on a street along the side of the school.  Then most kids (especially the older ones) walk from the car to the playground, which is fenced in and just a few feet from the cars, where they play and wait for the bell to ring before lining up with their class.  A few of the younger kids walk up with their parents and some parents hang out until the bell rings.  Alina, being the shy girl she is, prefers for me to get out and walk and stay with her.  But this means taking Nate and Adriana out of the car as well, and especially now with colder weather and Adriana falling asleep in the car seat, it is not an easy thing to do.  So part of me wants to teach Alina independence and that its ok to walk up and play with her friends (I watch her from the car the whole time).  The other part wants to walk with her and hold her hand as long as she will let me.  But I know teaching her independence is good, I also know that holding on as long as I can is something I won't regret.  Part of me doesn't want to wake Adriana and drag her out into the cold every morning, but I also know that its not going to hurt her, because I bundle her up and she can still sleep in my arms.  So when I let Alina walk up by herself, I just want to run up and hold her hand until the bell rings.  And when I walk with her, I just want to get the little ones back in the car and out of the cold as fast as I can.  So I'm a little torn.  So I guess I'll just keep doing both until one wins out over the other.